Good Christian Bullies

I always feel like a warning or explanation is in order when I make posts like this. I consider myself Christian. I do not consider myself a “good Christian.” I sin more than I probably should, I’d rather sleep in than go to church, and it would take an elephant tranquilizer full of Klonopin to keep me from having and expressing an opinion.
Nonetheless, writing is therapeutic and I’m going to write about topics that are important to me, no matter how many feathers are ruffled.

Continuing with the trend of bullies, I wanted to expand more on bullies in the church. You can read my previous post on my church experience here, the local election drama, and church lady backlash.

I hoped my posts would start to get under some skin. But that’s the funny thing about this group of “Good Christian Bitches.” Whatever you say negative about them personally or as a generalization, they don’t comprehend that they’re guilty. I don’t know if that makes them clueless or plain arrogant in their obnoxious behavior.

I exercised my Google-fu and found several articles on bullies in the church and wanted to share some of the highlights.

Church bullies like feeling important and knowledgeable.  They can tell you how the church should be run, what God and the Bible say, and how you should live, think, and vote. If you have a differing opinion:

  1. You aren’t in my inner circle, so your opinion doesn’t really matter.
  2. You don’t go to my church. You can’t possibly understand.
  3. Your heart is pure evil, but I think I could somehow benefit by looking beyond your wrongdoings because you offer a service or friendship I could use.

Church bullies are often insecure. By inflicting their fake niceties and piety, they’re trying to show others just how smart and devout they think they are. A caked-on layer of makeup, a greased-up smile, and numerous selfies can’t hide the truth that your husband is dicking around, your kid is a pot head, and your daughter is an attention-seeking whore. Harsh of me? Probably.

Church bullies are always one of the first in church to tell you how much they love you. While you’re at it, fawn over them. Praise them for their insight, strength, and wisdom. Ask for that nasty casserole recipe. Do whatever you have to do to stroke their little ego. And these ladies will continue to profess their biblical love and shower you with affection as long as you do their bidding… The moment you don’t have something they want, they’re done with you.

Church bullies have strong personalities. They’re the ones who always speak up during meetings and seem to have strong opinions on just about everything. If you contradict their little world, you’ll be targeted. They’ll gather their cronies, pass a few verses (and wine bottles), and say a prayer for you for speaking your mind. Surely the devil has hold of you!

They are terrible listeners. Church bullies want you to read their status updates or hear about their perfect lives, but they don’t want to listen to you. That’s great that you finally got to take a vacation or get a promotion, but they’re the real hero or martyr for, well, existing.

They form unhealthy alliances. They use their church friendships to their advantage. They conspire and plot to get their way in the name of God, JSU, whatever. Cronyism is very popular for the church bully.

They don’t take responsibility. This post can’t be about ME! It’s about—They let other people be the fall guys to maintain that church and community pedestal. Even if they match every single bullet on this post, I assure you they don’t recognize it belonging to them.

The Solution

I wish I knew what the solution to the bullies and bitches was. Oh, yes. I’ll add a bible verse:

For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

Romans 16:18


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