Give Me Cookie Dough or Give Me Death

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School has started back and once again it’s time for the friendly PTO reminders of whatever shit the kids will be selling this week. I don’t mind the school supplies, weird fees, and occasional classroom donation… but I refuse to buy wrapping paper. Cookie dough, yes. Wrapping paper, hell no.

The high school PTO had the brilliant idea to hold a parking spot lottery. I don’t know the details (as explained below), but seriously? We expect kids to pay $60 for a spot close to the school? Let’s look at this the Surviving Alabama way.

Little Sally is not going to pay $60. She hasn’t worked a day in her 18 year old life, but Mommy and Daddy are willing to pay $60 so Sally can sleep in late and pull up to a spot right in front. Sounds fantastic. When little Sally flunks out of nursing school and has to get a job, will her parents bail her out again so she doesn’t have to park in the back of her workplace? Hmm, hopefully.

Smart (ass) Solution

I came up with a simple suggestion: The VIP high school experience. For only $5,000, little Sally and Johnny can have the best parking spots, top lockers, best lunch table, be first seat in the band, quarterback/head cheerleader, assigned the easiest teachers, and receive 20 points extra on every exam.

I was called a smart mouth and the post was deleted.

Sure, my suggestion is completely off the deep end. It was meant to be. In their quest to fund retarded┬ásilly projects for the school, they’re creating a pay-to-play environment where everything is sacked with a fee under the guise of a “fundraiser.”

These are kids in public school. Half are on free or reduced lunches and many don’t have a pot to piss in. Yet, if you want your kid to have a PUBLIC education, you better be prepared to pony-up to meet the demands of the PTO. Instead of Parent Teacher Organization, perhaps Elitist Parent Teacher Organization would be more fitting.

 

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Emily is the person to blame behind Surviving Alabama. She is a nerd, a mother, and sometimes pretends to be a writer (although there was that one legit writing job for a few years...). When she isn't writing, repairing computers, or designing websites, Emily is happily raising three children with her very understanding husband.

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