Calling Out Miss Gulch


I hold no ill-feelings towards Jacksonville’s Animal Control. She was doing her job. My complaint is with my water-phobic neighbor.

We adopted two puppies in May—sweet beagle puppies, a boy we named Charlie, and a girl we named Bella. They were the kids’ responsibility and they were troopers with feeding, walking, and playing with them. We crate trained them in the house and occasionally let them out in the backyard when we were home so they could socialize with our 11-year-old dachshund our lab-mix rescue, Bailey. Like any puppy, the two were rambunctious. A handful, but a delight.

Jacksonville animal control was called on us first thing Tuesday morning. A “concerned neighbor” called with the complaint that the animals were being abused/neglected because she could hear them whining and that our “big dogs” were probably mauling them. When the officer came by, Bella was asleep inside and Charlie was outside sleeping up against our lab mix. They were never in any harm.

I won’t lie and say that the puppies never whined. They’d cuddle up together and whine/talk. They’d chase each other in the yard and stay vocal. They were never outside long and we were always with them. Our older dogs never posed any threat; I always had full trust of them even around the baby.

Nonetheless, Jacksonville’s very own Almira Gulch took it upon herself to make ridiculous accusations. Animal control stated that they would have to come by frequently to “keep an eye on it.”

I was disgusted. Our yard is already fenced in and adding privacy panels to keep nosy neighbors away would’ve been an exorbitant cost. We made the tough decision to give up the puppies to appease the witch. Those babies were loved and well taken care of. They were never in any danger. However, we couldn’t have animal control constantly coming by whenever the witch-bitch felt like complaining. It was a tough decision and I’m still overcome with guilt.

Auntie Em said it best, “[…] just because you own half the county doesn’t mean that you have the power to run the rest of us. For twenty-three years, I’ve been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now… well, being a Christian woman, I can’t say it!”

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Emily is the person to blame behind Surviving Alabama. She is a nerd, a mother, and sometimes pretends to be a writer (although there was that one legit writing job for a few years...). When she isn't writing, repairing computers, or designing websites, Emily is happily raising three children with her very understanding husband.